Thursday, November 03, 2005

the DICTIONARY

A work in progress of the official dictionary of things we say:
Balls 1. (n.) something awesome. Have you heard the new Franz Ferdinand album? It’s the balls. 2. (ex.) when you do something stupid, or forget something, or are really drunk and have nothing else to say: Oh balls!
Boo (n.) – a person who you have shared familiar relations with. Like that song by Missy or whoever, My Boo. Where is that girl? You know who I’m talking about. Your boo.
Boo-urns – what you can say when a bunch of people are saying “boo” to try and be funny. [booing ensues at the Budweiser tour b/c the tour guide brings up prohibition] T: Boo-urns Bubba: Were you saying Boo, or were you saying boo-urns?
Bring It – a phrase said when you want to gather others to play video games. [trying to get people together for a Halo or Bond match] Let’s bring it.
to Bronsky (v.) – the action of a person minutely shaking their lips while some chick presses her tits on said person’s face. Did you guys see the bronsky that Asian stripper laid on me at Toppers last week?
_______ City – when you’re eating, it’s the place you go (the mental state, not like a restaurant or anything). [having stumbled upon the idea to make Easy Mac] I’m hungry, I think I’ll go to Easy Mac City.
Cold Thuggin’ – the act of wearing pants, a short sleeve shirt, and a hoodie or toboggan or whatever you call those hats that people wear over their heads when they are cold. You also have to be drinking too. We were cold thuggin’ upon our arrival to Jacksonville.
to Crush (v.) – quickly and coherently depleting a resource or a set of DVDs. Ben crushed the Sopranos Season Five DVDs in a couple of days or My Pepperjack Doritos always get crushed by everyone when I leave them on the coffee table.
D-Bag (adj.) – an abbreviation of the word douche bag. That guy was such a d-bag!
Douchenhiemer (adj.) – an douche bag to the nth degree. Apparently, the douchenhiemer cannot survive without hair gel, which is why they use so much of it.
the “Do Her?” Question – when debating a whether or not a chick is hot, the “do her” question always comes up. One person says some chick is hot. Another one says she isn’t. The first person might ask: Would you do her? At which point the second person usually concedes their stance that the chick in question was not hot.
Drake (adj.) – something cool. Man that Qdoba burrito was drake.
Flavor Country (n.) – a place that a person goes to when they are eating something delicious. As soon as the waitress brought him that Fat Elvis, Homer was in flavor country.
to Give the Business (v.) – to get busy with, to do the hibbity-dibbity with, etc. I would totally give Lindsay Lohan the business.
to Go Bonkers (v.) – to excel, in an extreme manner. DJ Shockley went bonkers against Boise State. Note: can also double as "going nutty."
Go to Move – something that person willfully does a lot. That Aspen shirt is Ben’s go-to.
Gritty (adv.) – describes a competition that either competitor could emerge victorious from. Can someone check and see who is winning that gritty match-up between Frank and Nick’s fantasy teams?
the Guy on the Phone – you might be in a situation where people around pick up their phones and pretend to talk to someone. This occurs when one person has a characteristic that others want to make fun of. Let’s say that on a particular evening, T is looking like a big time hipster. Fred might take his phone out of his pocket and say: Hello? [pause] Yeah, he’s here. [another pause] Ok, I’ll tell him [hangs up]. Yo T: Uberhipster Biquarterly Magazine called. They want you for their cover.
Hasmat (adj.) – a person who has one of the following characteristics (a) a tongue ring (b) a truck with a ridiculous lift (c) one or more earrings (d) dates a hot chick and won’t give her the business. He has a tongue ring? What a hasmat!
Hella (adj.) – a qualifier, meant to intensify an adjective (not as extreme as uber). Because I’m hella cool, that’s why.
Hipster (n.) – a person who wears tight jeans, non-primary color t-shirts, black rimmed glasses, and may or may not have tattoos. They listen to Indie music only—most notably Death Cab for Cutie, Bright Eyes, and various Elephant Six bands. They claim to despise all things corporate but they drink coffee that costs three fifty a cup at Jittery Joes. They claim to be non-conformists, but they all wear the same clothes, listen to the same music, and hang out in the same spots as one another. Camp-easy and T made a bet on how many hipsters would be at the upcoming Bright Eyes show.
Ice Grillin’ – having tons of questions asked to you in rapid succession. Carse kept ice grillin’ Frank about the chick who slept over the night before.
In Your Cage – a phrase that coincides with being rattled. If you are rattled, then the people who are rattling you are In your cage!
to Kick Upstairs - to snag a fry or an onion ring or some other side item off someone else's plate. That hamburger looks good. Kick one of those fries upstairs. [grabs a fry off the plate and consumes]
Little _______ Action - substitute food, drink, TV show, video game for the blank, and it refers to what another person is doing. [If Craiggers is eating a Totinos pizza as I walk in] Little Totinos action, huh Craiggers.
to Marinate (v.) – to have something secret, waiting to be unleashed on everyone else. [knowing that a person is about to play Pepper by Butthole Sufers on the iPod they would say:] I got next song on the iPod…I have one that’s been marinating.
the “Mc” Qualifier – adding Mc to the beginning of something increases it’s importance, but is not as severe as the stand alone word itself. If I were to tell Carse McFuck you! I would just be saying it because he did or said something to me. If I straight up said Fuck you! that would be more serious. Other common uses: McBlows, McGay
McSanderson (adj.) – a name applied to someone who is lame. All that McSanderson ever does is dress up like a cowboy and eat pudding.
Nug (n.) – see: Nugget.
Nugget (n.) – something that you’re sitting on, but that you know is the balls, and when you tell everyone else what it is, they will acknowledge it as awesome. [Ben has snuck a bottle of Jim into a football game without anyone else noticing] I’ve got a nugget in pocket.
to Own (v.) – 1. to lay temporary claim to an area or event. Our car owned the highways after mooning Brehobs car and throwing sunflower seeds at that d-bag’s car. 2. to claim victory in a fantasy league. After drafting Paul Pierce in the second round, I claimed that I would own the fantasy league.
P-Binski (n.) – slang for a Pabst Blue Ribbon. I'll have a royal sampler please. Oh, you don't know what that is? It's a vodka/redbull and a p-binski. You don't know what a p-binski is either? It's a PBR--that's Pabst Blue Ribbon.
to Peep (v.) – to see, or look at. Have you peeped the new season of Arrested Development yet? or You should peep my new rap on the fantasy message board.
to Rattle (v.) – to get under someone’s skin, and cause them to make a rash decision. Because of everyone screaming at him at the flip cup table, McGarnigle got rattled and could not flip his cup in the first few tries.
Royal Sampler (n.) – a modification of the Sampler, consisting of a Vodka/Red Bull and a P-Binski. Must be ordered and consumed simultaneously.
Sampler (n.) – a drink, rather, a set of drinks consisting of a Vodka Tonic and a P-Binski (see above). They must be ordered and consumed simultaneously.
Satchmo (adj.) – a really douchey person, who is also a tool. Yo Frank. Look at that Satchmo over there. No, not him. No, not him either. The one who has a pink shirt with his collar up.
to Serve (v.) – the action of making someone else feel like what they just said or did warrents them being made fun of. Homer totally served those Florida fans who walked by our tailgate by asking them if they had a spare pair of jean shorts.
Service (ex.) – an exclamatory remark that is said when another person is serving up people repeatedly. (Usually used after three or more consecutive swishes). [Campbell has just served a few people consecutively and is in the zone] T: Service!
Snare (adj.) – something cool. Fred says that the show South Park is snare.
Swish (ex.) – an exclamatory remark that calls attention to the serving (see above) of another person. Homer: I can’t believe I found Duce Staley on the waiver wire Cass: Yeah, I can’t believe a third string running back was just sitting there! T: Swish! Note: a person cannot give themselves a swish, it must come from a person who is not directly involved in the serving.
Tasty Nug (n.) – a nugget that is so delicious that it needs the tasty qualifier. [Bubba sees a good fantasy player sitting on the draft board in round eight and is in position to draft him] I’ve got a tasty nug coming up.
Uber (adj.) – a qualifier, meant to intensify an adjective. Fred has not eaten in hours, he must be uber-hungry.

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