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Sunday, February 19, 2006
TCBY is above Homer
There has been recent speculation that our friend Homer is soft. Dictionary.com has many definitions of the word. It's second definition is out of condition; flabby. While this definition is certainly applicable to Homer, it is also applies several others in our group (myself included). Taking this into consideration, I will not use this defintion. The most appropriate defintion seems to be weak or feeble. This will be the focus of this post. Weak and feeble refers to Homer's action of shunning his fellow Civiers for the past few months. Homer has been in Colorado. He claims that Colorado is sweet. Yet I must assert that the fact that no other member of the collective Civy resides in Colorado makes it inherently unsweet. Or at least artificially sweet like Equal or NutraSweet. He has apparently been using this ample time frame to facilitate a level of selfindulgence that could be easily satisfied on the street known as Civy. As such, I must protest to the comparison of Homer and TCBY. The aformentioned TCBY is a classy frozen yogurt joint. I would equate "H" more with the cheap soft serve that comes from the dessert counter at a humble family buffet. Like Ryan's or something. And he is certainly not soft serve straight from the machine. He is more like cheap Ryan's soft serve that has been sitting around in those little bowls for around ten minutes. Half melted and extra soft. And no fucking sprinkles or M&M's on top. Maybe some strawberries or something. What happened to the Homer that would occasionally be passed out snoring by ten oclock in the evening, or the Homer that knocks over the grill at five oclock in the morning, awaking Fred from a drunken slumber to find a half naked dwarf with a white elf beard, giggling and patting himself on his ample stomach? Homer must realize that he belongs in the state of Georgia. There is no other place for him. And until his return to the promised land, I will be forced to consider him softer than Charmin Ultra with Aloe. You know, the quadruple roll.