The Best Week Ever

Tap. Tap. Is this thing on?

For a while, the Civy Times has been dead, but I hope that my tale of the greatest week of all time will inspire someone else to post here and resurrect what was once a place full of witty writings.

My awesome week started Thursday night at work. The associate I have working under me is a total fuck up. He is absolutely insane and he walks around the store all night singing "c is for cookie." He is honestly the dumbest person I have ever met and he is also crazy (if I was a chick, I would be afraid to work with him. I would also bleed from my twat monthly, which would also suck). But like the good guy that he is, he decided to leave his wife and 2 year old daughter and move to Miami. Sucks for them, but at least I didn't have to work with him anymore. they replaced him with a girl who actually works hard and doesn't annoy the shit out of me. The week was getting off to a great start.

This wasn't the only thing to happen Thursday night though.

I have this douchebag customer who comes in every few nights. He is a limo driver and several years back, someone made the bad decision of letting him wash glasses in our back room. The guy is a total asshole and I cringe every time he comes in the store, but this week, things were different. He walks up to the counter and asks me: "Do you drink beer?"

I respond (in a Millhouse-esque voice): "Do I?"

Phred: Yeh I do
Limo Dude: I only drink liquor and I have like 15 beers in the limo that I'm about to throw out. Would you like them?
Phred: Um yeh, that would be great. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.
Limo Dude: Well, they are Bud Lights. Is that ok with you?
Phred: That's perfect!

There turned out to be 19 cold, crisp, refreshing Bud Lights!

19 Beers and a new associate? Can life get any better? Actually, these were somehow the two worst things to happen to me this week!

I went into work on Freday night expecting to quit because this jackass wouldn't promote me. Long story short, I demanded a promotion and told my boss that I deserved it. I got him to not only promote me, but transfer me out of his area so that I would have to deal with his shit anymore. So instead of driving 30 miles to work, the trip will be about 10 miles. And my hours will be much better. No more nights, and I'll be off every Saturday night!

Sunday, I was feeling good and went to the QT down the street to buy some juice. While I was there, I decided to buy one of those $20 scratch tickets. Well, I scratched that bitch off and won $1,000!!!

Plus, the stock market has been on fucking fire for me since Thursday.

And how fucking awesome was the Sopranos last night?

Best of all though: I watched Houseguest on Thursday. Which is what I think brought on this deluge of great luck.

This coming Saturday, we are having a party, and my dad sent me 18 bottles of liquor. This party will be off the chains, and Homer is flying in from Denver to attend. We are planning on cooking the little bastard and eating him. Yesterday, he told me that he expects the part to be so awesome that he won't care if we eat him at the end of the night because it will be worth it. I was always just kidding about killing and eating Homer, but since we now have his approval, I say that we fucking do it.

This week has been superb and will only get better. It has even been slightly better than the week that Sabina gave me pink eye.

My Fantasy

I know that some of you heard me say this on Saturday, but I wanted to put it on the internet so that the whole world will know.

This is my ultimate fantasy. I have thought about this every night for a year now, and I hope that one day my fantasy will become a reality.

I am sitting on the couch one afternoon, all by myself watching Sportscenter when my door swings open. Sabina Gupta walks in to my apartment and smiles, not saying a word. I look up at her and I notice that there is something different about her… not her hair, not what she’s wearing… just something… different. I can’t quite figure it out until I look her in the eyes. Her eyes are both unusually pink and are surrounded with a yellowish crust. Oh my God, Sabina has pink eye!

Now I started to get excited because I know that Sabina will be giving me pink eye again, unless she is hear to tease me by giving me “blue eyes!” I’ve had Sabina give me pink eve before, and ever since my recovery, I’ve wished for some kind of Sabina induced relapse!

She grabs the remote and turns off the TV and then winks at me with her left eye. As she does this, the smallest bit of eye crust falls off and drops slowly to the ground. Sabina then licks two fingers on her right hand. She takes these fingers and begins running them gently and circularly around her right eye, making sure to transfer the conjunctivitis to her fingers. Then she does some kind of erotic finger dance that is hard to describe using words, moving her fingers back and forth seductively in front of my face, getting closer and closer. Oh my. I am so excited now… it’s really happening!

As she touches her infected hand to my right eye, I let out a slight moan of joy. She starts rubbing my eye, not too rough, but not too gentle.

“Yeah Sabina, that’s how I like it.”

“How do you like it Fred?”

“Make my eye crusty and nasty baby!”

She continues working my right eye until there is no way that I am not infected, and then when she is finished, she does the same thing to my left eye. After she is finished, I fall asleep, content and spent.

The next morning, Sabina gently nudges me to wake me up. As I try to open my eyes, I realize that I can’t because they are crusted shut! I have pink eye! My fantasy has come true, I can now die happy. But wait, Sabina wipes the crust off of my eyes, and holds one of them open. I look up at her, smiling as she squeezes an eye drop into my eye.

“Oh yeah, baby, no one can make my eyes burn like you,” I say.

I think to myself: its gonna be a great week!

Barberitos VS. Q-Doba

I must argue with some of the points that Ben Allen made in his plagerized version of Chris' creation.

1. The Queso sauce is delicious, however last time I went there with Ben, they did pour way way too much on his urrito, making it soupy. This has never happened to me.

2. Barberitos is certainly not generous. Last week, I went there and the dude scooped me an already small scoop of chicken, then gave me only about 2/3 of that small scoop. I thn watched him pour MY excess chicken back into the tub.

3. I think we can all agree that the employees at Barberitos on the Eastside are dicks. This point has been made by many, and I don't think that too many people will disagree. Almost everyone there seems like they hate being at work and that they are pissed off to see you. Maybe there is better service at the 5 points one, but not at the one closest to Civy, which is the one that most of us visit.

Oh Ben

And I do realize the difference. I recognize that you are only a few hours away from us and that you will be seen a lot more than a certain dwarf. I didn't mean to compare you to Homer in the softness department, there is no comparassion. Homer is more tender than Kobe Beef (and probably tastier too). But I did not defend Homer, I merely gave my opinions on your piece by typing my own Freditorial.... My own effort to keep things in perspective

True about the job thing... I don't think Homer I don't think that is a part of Homer's 5 year plan. While you are spending your time working and you have expressed your desire to someday move back, Homer spends the vast majority of his time getting high and eating, while saying that he will stay in Colorado forever.

Let me say for all to read: I am not now, nor have I ever been a Homer-sympathizer!

Oh, and I meant to end my last article with this:

HAIL BLAKE:
Alpha Dwarf of Athens now and forever

Response: TCBY is above Homer

First off let me apologize for being the one responsible for starting this awful trend. I should naver have attacked Cassimus, nor should I have suggested to Chris that his next article should be called "The Softie Club" and should expose Civy's true colors. However, what's done is done, and Pandora's box can not be closed. This morning, I checked the Civy Club Times to see if Cassimus had finished his BCS Redux article, and was treated to Ben Allen's first post. Well I found the post to be excellent and mostly true (mostly), I did feel the need to respond to certain points that Ben made.

It is incredibly soft of Homer to desert his fellow Georgians for so long. He has abandoned his friends, drinking partners, and apparently his ability to defend himself. I understand the need to go "home" and reconnect with the family and old friends, but Homer should have considered the fact that in a few short months he will be leaving Georgia permanetly to move back to Colorado. That said, I think Homer is being a "Softie McSofterson" by returning to Colorado for so long prior to his permanent departure. This means that after his long trip he will probably appear in Georgia for only a few weeks before leaving us forever.

QUOTE FROM BEN: "He claims that Colorado is sweet. Yet I must assert that the fact that no other member of the collective Civy resides in Colorado makes it inherently unsweet." Well Ben, you should know that I am a lifetime member of the Civy and I did reside in Colorado, and I would take offense to what you had written if I did not find Colorado to be unsweet myself. However, one thing that Ben did not consider when typing this is that if Civy is soft (it is), and all of the people that currently live there are soft (they are), then I do not see how fleeing a soft zone can be inherently unsweet.

Despite all of this, Homer, you are soft. To paraphrase Ben: What could you possibly be doing in Denver that you can't do here?

One final thing to cosider is the source of the last post. If I remember correctly, Ben Allen has moved to North Carolina, leaving us all behind. I must also point out that no member of Civy resides in North Carolina, and that at least Homer does drink and gamble in Colorado, while Ben has become nothing more than a "Jungle Gym."

Ben Allen calling Homer soft is like the Snuggles Bear calling the Charmin Ultra with Aloe Grandma's Quilt!

A call to action

As I gaze onto the screened in porch and beyond to the cement playground that we at Civy Club proudly park our cars, I cannot help but bring myself back to the aforementioned 'Golden Era.' When the screened in porch was used for a between-game smoke, leaving the hood of my car ,which resides beneath, littered with cigarette butts. When the driveway transformed into a keg durability testing center.
In a way each of us at Civy are like the taps that delivered the sweet nectar to 10 oz. plastic cups. We strived for was a good time for all, but as time went on, like our taps, some of us got lost and others were worn down. Sure, we tried to tape it back together, but it was never the same. Our once party driven souls had paid their toll.
But as the sun begins to set on another Civitan generation it becomes apparent that in a year from now we will not be living within five miles of dozens of friends, and our houses will not be equipped to handle the abuse that Civy Club has so graciously.
There must be another great party. Not for me. Not for my roomates or friends. Not even for all the hot freshman chicks that never got a chance to see what Civy was all about.
But for a house that has given so much, while asking for nothing in return.
I cannot do this alone, and I do not know what day it should occur. But I do know it will require the hard work and planning of those outside of Civy. Like a broken tap we Civitonians will continue to try to serve, but in order to give Civy the departure she deserves there needs to be a group effort.
Please be active and vigilent in this cause.

That Party Was NOT Soft!

'Nuff said!

Directory of Nicknames

Much like the last post, this is also a work in progress. This is a compilation of the nicknames of our friends. Based on this post and the last one, you should be able to understand exactly who and what we are talking about at all times. I know I have left out quite a few people. This is either because you dont really have any nicknames, or just because I got tired after coming up with all of these. If you arent on here, let me know and I will add you.

******NEW: Names for Civy Club itself and Universal Nicknames for all Current Residents

Allen, Ben:

Bensama Ben-Allen, Grandpa, Ballen, B. Allen (like B. Rabbit of 8 mile), The Plagerist

Altman, Kevin:

Feivel, Diesel, The Drill, Witness

Armistead, Ben:

Army, Amistad, Armistice, Ben-er, Benweiser

Barnet, Fred:

Ferd, IV, Sam Camino (alias), the Frederal Express, Fake Fred, PH, Derf, North Pole Brain Freeze, Fred Bear, Nut Boy, Clint Eastwood

Berrier, Steven:

Bubba, Bubbubbubbubba, Bad Beat Bubba, Bubbalicious, Berrier (pronounced the French Canadian way, like Perrier), Bubs

Brockwell, Roger:

Rodg, Podactor, The Nodge, Noger, Massey

Campbell, Ryan:

Easy Street, Camp-easy, Easy, Hurricane, Progresso, 51

Campbell, Trenton:

T-Rex, Iceman, Trent Vick, Bizarro Ping Pong Table, Soup

Carse, Steven Andrew:

Carl, SAC, Steve-O, Bufa, Crazy Carl

Cassimus, Chris:

Cass, Casmonstah, Cassanova, Dirty Olive, Bob Sacamano (alias), C-Cass, Greeky McGreekerson, Sir Edmund Hillary, Diamonds, Pickle Boy, Dough Boy, John Malkovich

Club, Civy:

The Civy, Softie Club, Softville, Athens' Very Own TCBY

Club, Civy (Residents):

These names are universal names that you can use to refer to anyone at Civy. When you see a _______, that means that you can insert any Civy member's first name in that slot, ie: ______ Softawitz can be Tyler Softawitz.

Charmin, Stay Puff Marshmellow Man, Grandma's Quilt, Softserve, Softie McSofterson, Snuggles, Cotton, ______ Softawitz, _______ McSoftenheimer, _________, Puffs Ultra, Beanbag

Gupta, Sabina:

Sa-mean-a

Harris, Brent:

Homer, Heemer, Orf, The Dwarf, Don Vito, Remoh, Mombatu, Homer Paulson, The Little Guy, Dwarfism, H-Bomb, H-Bizzle, Bizzle, H-Bizzle Tele-vizzle, H, Domer, Flomer

Holowiak, Nick:

Nick’s Burgas, Nicholas, Nicholai, Burgosity, Anger Management Nick, Recreationial Nick, Fucking Nick, Effin Nick, Gnick, Nick Van Winkle

Hopkins, John:

Hop, Herpkins, Herpsperps, Hopdog

Johnson, Chris:

Poonhound, Cock Johnson, Anal Fister, CJ

LaFleur, Tyler:

T, Fragile Leprechaun, Pretzel Stuffer, Scrappy T, Sweet T, T-Bag, Yler, Tyler (pronounced Twy-ler), Bagel Slicer, T-Money, The Flower, Taylor, Boo-yler, The Laundry, The HBO Kid

Ledford, Nathan:

Nasty Nate, Baby (only Shari says this), Natey Nate, Nathan Scott Philips, Nate Dogg, Nate Dizzle, Nizzle, Nathan "The Ass Rapist" Ledford

Lewin, Philip:

Angry Phil, Philtrol3030, Phil2768, The Mad Communist, Comrade Philski, The Angry One

MacDonald, Ashley:

A-Mac, Satchel Face, Corndog, Surge Tower, Sashley, Ashmac

Massey, Joshua:

Maddog, Breadbox, Shocker, The Mad One, Makeout Kid, Fingers, Three Fingers McGee, Sticky Fingers, The Pisser, Grandma Babushka, Seven Iron, The Pisser, Figley Nuttington

McGarity, John:

Horse McWilliamson, McGangsta, Gangsta, McGarnigle, McGrupp, Big Bad John, Makeout Bandit, Scuba John, McGillicutty, McG, Juan, Splinter (Because he is a huge rat), Captain Reach Around

Noll, Arthur:
Artemis, Artemis Prime, Artemis Clyde Frog, Art Fellatio, Artman Knollski

Riddle, Jason:

Dubbs, J-Dub, Dub-a-Dubs, The Riddler, Dutch Oven

Seaman, Craig:

Craigstand, Craigory, Craiggers, BMC (Big Momma Craig), Massey

Titolo, Julia:

Who-lia, J-Tits, Boo-lia, Jules, Gulia

Vaughn, Robert:

Hawk, Turnbull, the Bull, RTV, Michael Rappaport

Wei, Dichao:

Frank, Frizzle, Franklin, Dirty Frank, Crabby Frank, Asian Chris Tucker on Speed, Bizarro Massey, Dorm Boy, Lieutenant Reach around
--------------------------

Chris Cassimus collaborated extensively on this post.

The Greatest Danger To America

Friends, Civitonians, random visitors:

Today I must address the greatest danger to America and our way of life. This is an evil that has been plaguing us for several years now. An evil which has employed increasingly hostile methods to further its own cause. I know that this blog has never been a forum for political discussions, and I see no reason to change that, however, I feel that the problem must be properly addressed.

We are all familiar with this problem. Many of us deal with it daily. His name is Chris Cassimus. To many, Chris is known as a loyal friend, a funny guy, and a Greek-American. Don't let his witty man fool you. He is a danger that must be dealt with. Chris is a wolf in sheep's clothing, the bad apple that spoils the bunch, the HIV virus on the tip of the used heroin needle.

My fellow Civitonians: do not be taken in by his "charm."

You may be wondering what would posses someone to sit down and write about Chris in this manner. Well, my friends, allow me to explain. Chris is a deadbeat, a plagerist, and a hoodlum.

Chris would probably not want you to know that he currently owes me $50. This money has been owed to me for over a month now, and I am starting to believe that I will never see it. I have mentioned this to Chris several times, yet he has still not blessed my wallet with the money. In fact, one time, I was at Chris' apartment with him for sevearl hours. While there I asked him for the money, and when I did, he simply laughed and said that he would pay me. Well, Civitonians, this was over two weeks ago, and I have yet to see a dime. Remember that the baseball season is over and I will not be earning any more money until mid-April, so it is important to collect my debts promptly.

Fifty dollars is a big deal, yet, by itself is not enough to declare Chris to be a poison. In fact, I probably would never have realized the truth about Mr. Cassimus if it hadn't been for an incident that occurred over the last several days. This weekend we were at Civy and one of our favorite discussion points was brought up: Moose. I said that someone should write a blog article about him, and Tyler and Chris both immediately "assigned" me the topic, saying I should write it. On Monday, I honestly spent over 30 minutes online trying to find out any information on Moose. Yesterday, (Tuesday) during a stressful day of playing Madden and watching TV, I began to think out how I would address the topic, planning out much of the article in my head. When I became satisfied that the article was properly outlined (and after the World Series of Poker was over), I went into my room to type the article. The first thing I saw was a message from Chris that said "Are you gonna write it?" As soon as I saw it, I responded with "yeh." He then told me that it was "too late" that he was already stealing my topic and that he was "too deep" into writing it to stop.

This is not the only example of Chris stealing ideas. Sophomore year, I started an anti-police group known as PAP (People Against Pigs). Chris became overwhelmed with intense feelings of "jealousy and envy" (in his own words) and started a rival group called PACK (People About Cop Killing). Tsk Tsk Chris, violence is not the answer.

Another time, after becoming extremely covetous of the fact that several of his friends held membership in the underground organization known as CARL, Chris started another unorigonal group called Anti-Carl. This led to a prank war that began with the juvenile act of toilet papering my room, then moved on to me valiently putting shaving cream on his jeep. Chris then caused a massive escalation of the war by SMASHING MY CAR WINDOW, AND ATTEMPTING TO STEAL MY STEREO! I'm not saying that I responded to this, but you should ask Chris where in Georgia he was when his car engine blew up.

I want to make it clear that I do not hate Chris. He is a good friend of mine and a fellow Viper (sssssssssssssssssss), but he is a problem that must be dealt with, if only for the good of America and all of humanity.

The Dude Abides

P.S. I didn't even mention above that during the past year, Chris has been attempting to steal my own father away from me.

Where do we go?

Ah, another school year is about to come to a close. On the eve of the last regular day of school I'm afraid I don't know what is next. After succesfully failing to attain an internship I am looking forward to a summer of cottan candy sales, fourth of july fun in Nebraska and any other random money making adventures. In a way I'll have my loyal roomates with me, but at the same time I will be completely alone. While they all have some type of plans, I will be aimlessly wondering around the civy. In a way it will be nice, I will have a chance to learn of the many nuances of my current residence that I have not yet understood. I will grow as a person, but more importantly as a civitonian. What once seemed like a curse now may turn out to be a blessing. Either way, all of those that have frequented the hottest spot on the east side has had a chance for the Civitan Club spirit to touch you. Now it is your job to go out into the world and embrace what you have learned. 154, 156 and 158 Civitan Club Drive may one day be a grocery store or maybe something more exciting like a hover craft assembly plant, but either way we will all have memories and something that they can take with them forever. What I've learned so far is that civy club is not a place, but a state of mind. I hope that those who will not be in athens next year know that the doors are always open and coaches always available. At the same time, I hope that the adventures that take place next year are greater than ever. As only Maddog can put it "we must protect this house." I guess what he is trying to say is: Live each day to protect, but also help others to see that everyone has the capacity to learn a lil sumthin' sumthin' from the place/mindset that we call Civy Club.

2v2 Bball tourney

It is almost time. The first ever Civy Club 2v2 basketball tournament will take place within the next month. The plan is to have about a $10 entry fee. Half of the money will go the winners and the other half toward a keg for afterwards. It is street ball and expected to be treated with the same respect that we have toward civitan club drive. If you have any suggestions about day, time, entry fee, awards or ideas please let me know or post in the comments area. I hope to hear from you soon,

Carl

Q-DOBA

I POSTED THIS UNDER COMMENTS FOR FEECH'S BCS ARTICLE, BUT REALIZED NO ONE WOULD SEEE IT THERE:

The Q-dubb is my top choice too. For an even better burrito eating experience, order your Q-Doba burrito with the "queso sauce" its a warm gooey, cheesy, yummy, wonder. It doubles the quality of an already fine burrito. Another thing you can do is to get your Q-Doba burrito with the works, which includes the Queso sauce, Sour Cream, and Guacamole forjust about the price of just getting one of these additions.

THE DUDE ABIDES

The Mean Bean

It is a shocking and surprizing that you left The Mean Bean out of your burrito contest. It's most definetly in the top 3 in Athens and in my opinion the best. If you have not been I suggest you give it a shot, it will not disappoint.

MY NEW FAVORITE SHOW

Whattup Civy dudes and guests!

I am pleased to report that I have a new favorite show. I would be willing to bet that no one reading this, other than the people who watched the show with me yesterday have ever seen it before.

I was flipping through the channels Saturday about noon or so, bored as shit and unable to find anything cool. This quickly changed when I reached channel 96, a Spanish language channel. And saw a show which I later learned was called "Mega Match." What I saw both shocked and excited me. Before describing the show, I must promise you that I was not under the influence of any drugs or alcohol, and that there were witnesses who watched some parts of the show with me.

Imagine a long row of monkey bars, like 25-30 rungs long. Now there were two teams, one wearing yellow shirts, and one in green. The teams were lined up on the bars, hanging down and facing off towards each other. Right after I began watching, a whistle sounded and the first competitor on each team climbed towards the middle. When they were on consecutive rungs, the dude started kicking the fucking shit out of each other. I mean these fuckers were going at it hardcore. Most of the kicks landed directly in the face or neck, while others struck players in their chests and stomachs! When a player would fall off the rung, his opponent would jump off too and they would both run to the end of their lines. This even went on for three full minutes and was brutal as shit. The highlight of this event was when one player swung his leg around his opponent's neck, and used his other foot to repeatedly kick his opponent in the face. Although he was kicking really hard and rapidly, this opponent actually hung on longer than any other player. It was over 45 seconds before this dude finally lost his grip and was pulled down! Talk about perseverance.

The next event was really sweet too. On this event, there was a long Slip-N-Slide style contraption. It was elevated about 2 and half feet in the air. There was a ramp on the front and back of this Slip-N-Slide, and there was water being pumped onto it so it was completely soaked. Contestants were given two large buckets of water, and the goal was simple: run across the Slip-N-Slide and dump your water into a huge bucket, the whole time, trying to avoid falling. Whichever team got their bucket filled higher would win. Each team was allotted three minutes to get as much water in the bucket as possible. Sounds kinda tough, but still manageable. However, there was catch. While you tried to run across a wet, slippery surface and carry two large buckets of water, the entire other team was positioned below the Slip-N-Slide. The other team would kick up into the Slip-N-Slide, spraying water everywhere, and knocking opponents on the slide. If this wasn't brutal enough, once you fell face first into the slide, the other team continued to kick you. I saw many players get kicked in the face and balls after they had fallen. Some players were kicked so hard that when they lost their balance, they were thrown entirely of the Slip-N-Slide and crash landed on the floor (usually landing on their backs or necks). Needless to say, there weren't too many players who made it safely across.

This was the last of the violent games that I saw, but the final game that I watched on the show was some weird-ass contest where two players would slide across a layer of ice and ring a bell. Whoever rang the bell first would sing karaoke to the crowd. If they did a good job, (which was very very rare) they were rewarded by getting confetti dumped all over them. But, if they did a bad job singing (which happened about 9 out of every 10 times). A trapdoor would open above them, and they would get completely soaked in this red, chunky solution that Tyler said looked like "coagulated cow's blood."

Soon after this, the power went out and I was unable to see any more kickassness, however, in advertisements for the show, there appeared to be tons and tons more violent events for me to watch. This show may not sound so kickass to you, but for those of us who watched it, it was completely fucking awesome. At times, I laughed so hard that tears were coming down my face, while at other times, I thought I was gonna have a heart attack.

The only way to honestly describe this show would be to call it a violent version of the show Double Dare.

I only watched for an hour, but the show lasted for 2 or 3 hours (I forgot which). Plus the hostess was really hot and I hope to marry her one day.

I believe that Mega Match airs on Saturdays at Noon on channel 96 (Telemundo).

THE DUDE ABIDES

RIP TO A FUNNYMAN

For those of you who haven't heard, comedian Mitch Hedberg was found dead this week in his hotel room. He was one funny son of a bitch. If you don't know who he is, you need to go out and download some of his shit or ask me and ill let you borrow some. I got to see him live not long ago and dude was funny as nutz. A real genius.

REST IN PEACE

The Dude Abides

I have a problem. . .

They say that recovery is a long process with many steps and that the first step to recovery s admitting that you have a problem. well, I have a problem. A very real and very serious problem.

I am addicted to old children's movies!

Now I know what you're thinking: "Big fucking deal, thats not really a problem, so you enjoy the Sandlot and Home Alone... so what." Well I wish it were that simple, but I must admit that I am officially out of control. Sure everyone has had a perod in their life when they watched a ton of kid's movies, but for most, this period was called childhood.

Since I have graduated from college, I have regressed to my youthful ways. As the grey hairs multiply, so does my love for children's movies.

You probably think that my problem is not too severe, but allow me to explain. Today is Monday. Since last Wednesday, I have watched no less than 8 childhood classics! I wish I were lying, or exaggerating, but I am afriad that I am not. In case you think I'm lying, I will now list these movies:

Space Jam
Ladybugs
The Mighty Ducks
The Nutty Professor
Blank Check
Houseguest (which I had seen less than 10 days earlier)
Jury Duty
and The Bad News Bears

I must admit that Wednesday was the first time that I had ever seen Space Jam, but I have watched all of the others countless times (except for Ladybugs which I hadn't seen since 5th or 6th grade, honestly). You would think that watching just one of these movies would satisfy any feelings of nostalgia that I might have been having, but like any addict, with each viewing, I only wanted MORE MORE MORE!

At least drug addicts can get help. Currently, there are no group like "Children's Movie Fans Anonymous." Nor or there public service ads on tv about the dangers of such habits that might warn those who are not yet addicts of this drug.

And yet I still want MORE; like I said above, each movie I watch leaves me wanting to see another.

Since January 1, I have also seen both Home Alones, the Sandlot, Mighty Ducks 2, and countless others that I can't remember.

I need help and I don't know where to turn. PLEASE HELP ME!

I Gotta go now though, I think 3 Ninjas might be on. . .


The Dude Abides

THA FAKER

Yo Whazzup my Civvies!

Those of you who went to Miami on Spring Break will remember Brandon. He was one of the black dudes we hung out with on our last night. He was wearing the blue Kobe throwback. He talked big about how he was a stud basketball player for St. John's.... well... BULLSHIT!!!

St. John's basketball website and not only is there no player named Brandon on the team, but in the entire history of the St. John's basketball program (at least going back to the 60's) there has never been a player named Brandon. Also Trent saw pictures of all the players on the team and no one matched so we were had.


The Dude Abides

Miami--Part I

Yo whazzup Civitans! Its halftime now for the Kentucky Cincinati game and so i'm gonna write the first of what will probably be many post-Miami articles.

Frist off i gotta give a lil apology to McGangsta. Even though you did get beat like a redheaded step child by carse in the drinking contest you still were pretty wasted. also sorry for all the seemingly anti-mcgarity comments on my last post but carse and tyler were sitting on both sides telling me to add certain things... anyways...

As soon as i finished writing my last article, carse tried to read it aloud. tyler and frank were witnesses to this and it was hella funny. it took about 20 minutes and a lot of it was repeated over and over. also he struggles with words , basically sealing his MOST WASTED status.

that night i was sleeping when i heard a noise. i looked at the clock and saw 3:33. i looked to my right and i saw Mcgarity holding his penis. he was standing over tyler who was sleeping on the couch. I yelled out "john what are you doing?" he said "peeing" i said "you cant do that... stop!" and i started yelling at him. he put his junk back in his pants and then quickly pulled it back out. he moved about a step to the right and stopped. i started yelling again about how he cant just pee on tyler. john replied with the funniest thing i had heard all day "i'm just gonna go on the couch, not on tyler so its cool." i yelled at him to go to the bathroom, but instead he walked outside. well... about 10 minutes later i was still awake and john hadnt come back yet so i went outside. i wasnt too surprised to find john sleeping flat on his back in the grass outside! after a few minutes of trying to convince him to come back in i finally said fuck it and went to bed. about an hour later john came in and started bitching about how freezing it is outside. i asked him if he remembered almost peeing on tyler and he said "shit yeah i do!"........


The next day was Miami and the sweetest thing was probably going to tha bitchin club. Someone came up to the room and and some wrist bands that were suposed to get us into a hot club for free. So we all went down and walked for like 45 miles following behing this shady dude who just kept meeting up with more shady people and saying that we were almost there. When we go tthere of course the club wasnt free and the wanted $20 for the dudes.... McFuck that! So we went to another club where thay said it was $5 to get in and we would get a free drink voucher. I paid the money but half the peope didn't (FUCK YOU T). I went in the club to find a small ass club with like 3 people in there. Phil told me and T that the free drink was just orange juice, so T decided to take matters into his own hands and piss all over their bathroom floor. Well... I was the fourth person in the bathroom and it was fucking disgusting, but i noticed that one wall was bare so i finished off the job.

By far the sweetest thing that happened there was when this Ecxtasy'd out retarded looking bitch started dancing with T. Oh man, it was so funny! This was one of the scariest bitches i'd ever seen and they were dancing pretty close when T started petting her hair. The funniest though was when she started trying to play with his McPenis. This scared T off, but when he left her along, she came over and stuck her hand up my shirt and tweaked my nipple. I just turned around and ran off laughing. When we left we saw her walking with a couple of black dudes... can you say "gangbang?"

Another thing that ruled about the club was that we all go to dance with this huge black chick and by huge i mean about 2.5-3 bills big. We all danced with her and her gigantic ass almost knocked us over. She loved T the best though and there is a sweet pic of him with her. Other cool things that night were DJ Alex and also the induction of the first female member to the Makeout Posse.

man... this kentucky cinci game is sweet... i gotta watch the rest now

i'll be back tomorrow or monday with part 2 of miami...

look forward to reading about:

The Douchenheimer Convention
Jocelyn's Bro's Adventures
My sweet-ass hat
Freak-Nic
Baja Fresh
and more!!!

THE DUDE ABIDES

the drunkard

what the fuck dudes. I'm pretty wasted, but I envy you for the fact of getting wasted 3 times before me. I love you for that. The thing is that im totally wasted adn you guys are totaly cool. Keep it reail I love you guys so andkeep it ril...


carase

SATURDAY NIGHT MOST WASTED

On the ride down today, Tyler started off the most wasted competition strongly. At a rest stop, T bought a 6-er of Busch tall boys at about 2pm. I wasnt about to get arrested for open container so Tyler was forced to drink the beers from a small Burger King water cup (12 oz). T started drinking, and not too much later, we began stopping for bathroom breaks. Every time after a break it would be like 20 minutes before T would start crying about how his "pea sized chick bladder" was full and he had to piss NOW. But John was driving and wouldnt stop even though T was really in pain and John's own bladder wasnt any biggerthan T's. In fact, John went to the bathroom 3 times compared to T's 4 times, but John wasnt drinking.

arrive...dinner... HAROLD AND KUMAR STILL ROCKS MY MOTHERFUCKIN NUTZ!!!! (5 times in a week, but im still second to T's 7 times)

After a sweet night of drinking, Carl was named MOST WASTED for the 1st night of Spring Break 2K5. To claim the crown, Carl destroyed McGarity in a Wasted Off. The first contest was a 12 shot beer drinking contest. Even though everyone agreed that Carl won, it was given a tie based on a scoring error. In the rematch Carl, McSmoked John, finishing all 12 of his beers in a single breath while John struggled fiercly and left 5 behind. 10 minutes later (no shit) John finally finished his beers after a lot of McBitching and Douchenheimering around. John couldnt accept defeat and challenged Carl to a liquor drinking.

Carl was supposed to drink two shots of Seagrams Gin while John was drinking two shots of Evan Williams. John got off to a quick start, but Carl quickly slammed his shots and claimed the crown.
Rather than accept his humiliation, John whined and bitched like a Jewish mother with PMS (trust me I know).

p.s. As I am writing this, Steve is mad wasted and i have no idea what he is talking about and John has been sleeping the entire time I have been typing

p.p.s John is a sore loser and a douchenheimer


THE DUDE ABIDES

Respect

When many of you were still suckling at the teat that is Shiloh High School, I, along with Big Carse, Grassy and Straight Nate, procured a room at Chez Civy. There was a palpable tension on the street the day we moved our belongings into those hallowed halls. Curtains from adjacent houses were peeled back and nervous eyes stared back at us from the safety of neighboring units- units similar in appearance, but oh so drastically different on the inside.
"The sweetest girls used to live in this one," said the realtor, giving Carse the key.
"That's nice," said Straight, putting out his cigarette on the realtors forehead.

You could almost hear the neighbor's putting the police on their speed dial that day. Who knew it was completely legal to leave a futon and a keg in the front yard for 3 months, but illegal to leave a trash can in the same yard for more than 24 hours? Who knew a '97 Maxima could take down a large tree, but that it could not overtake that same trash can? At the time, none of us knew, but we all learned together that first year. Roommates, neighbors, police, Clarke County Marshal's, drug dealers, et. al.

I won't bore you with tall tales from our years there. No doubt your own adventures are your favorite, but remember one thing: we made it possible. Carse did mainly. Big Carse. Thats the great thing about Civy Club - it truly IS a club. No one knows what it is until you tell them about it. We told you about it. You're welcome.

Wassup wit dat

Hello everybody. I am pleased to award phil with the blogger of the week award. The Knock is in a close second, but dissed me so I guess you don't win. Anyway I'm proud of both of you. Keep up the good work
Carl

I think Nessie got him.

I think Nessie got him., originally uploaded by camelink.

I don't know how this "fearless" leader ever got you guys to do anything. I mean look, he's scared of the water.

Reality

I think that the meaning of the Civy Club Times is to promote camraderie and a healthy living space among the 20 some odd roommates. Nobody actually knows how many people are currently living there or have ever lived there in the past. The most that I saw during a glorious 2 years on the Drive was about 7 in the neighbors' house. I guess that would be 156 Civy Drive? Anyway, throughout the years since the Civy has been with it's current owners I have remembered some interesting times and wish i had remembered a lot more (rib jab if ya know what i mean). From the early days when Grassy didn't drink and we had to feed him Mike's Hard Lemonade to the upstairs vs downstairs wrestling matches to the heritage cups i don't know if i can count the number of holes i have had to patch in those (oh so thin) walls. Now i go back to visit being called 'Big Carse' and playing flip cup a drinking game foriegn to me during my years of residence. Ahh i think back on all the times, all the great folks, and all the weirdness that the Civy has brought into my life. Ya gotta love it.

Sports aren't so bad

By Steven Carse

The Superbowl has passed, football’s national signing day is over, basketball is in full swing and baseball’s spring training is about to begin.

Too much? Has America’s obsession with sports gotten out of control?

Are we making heroes out of people simply because they can run fast, jump high or throw a football?

Have we Americans – sports journalists included – distorted what life is all about?

As a journalism student who hopes to become a sports writer, my curiosity was sparked when the National Hockey League cancelled its season. Life did not come to a standstill. Nothing changed.

Are sports really that important?

You would think so if you turned on ESPN or read sports pages, as I do for hours every day. Veteran sportscasters talk seriously about high school students, some only sophomores or juniors in high school, and their future on the field or the court. Newspapers interview teenagers thought to be the next Herschel Walker or Lebron James.

Are sports, my passion for 21 years, just trivial games after all?

As an aspiring sports journalist am I mapping a future of reporting on steroid abuse and collegiate sports corruption? Is that a worthy career path?

Those thoughts caused me to think back to my days at Shiloh High School in Snellville and “walk” forward, recalling the young athletes I knew and the games we played.

Bottom line: I think organized sports in America offer more than they take away from the experience of growing up and fitting into a high school or university environment.

Yes, some athletes ignore the classroom and everything else in their lives but their sport. And, yes that can lead to massive failures as human beings in later life.

But I know that sports motivate many people to stay in school and keep their grades up so they can stay eligible.

I saw this first hand, as teammates who could care less about algebra hit the books so they could play in front of their classmates. Sports teach the value of hard work and discipline, two concepts that do not come naturally to teenagers.

Entering high school, a 14-year-old lanky freshman, I was convinced to run cross country by my soccer coach. Running, an activity I despise, became an important part of my life. I wanted to be a motivation to my teammates – as they were to me – improve myself and please my coach.

In four years, I pushed myself further than I could ever have imagined. The feeling I got when I crossed the finish line knowing I could have gone no harder, was something I never will forget. Sometimes I collapsed and threw up crossing the finish line. Yet, those were the races I cherish most. I knew I had exerted myself until I truly and nothing else to give – and that was an achievement I have seen many other teenagers realize.

Sports also create togetherness, an opportunity for an entire school – book worms as well as athletes – to cheer.

Sports teach teamwork and show first hand that success is bigger than any one person.

Sports are a stage for all the ideals held most high in this country to come together and be displayed.

The chances for any athlete to make it to the professional level is incredibly slim, but even those who fail to reach that goal do not lose. By simply going along for the ride athletes, talented or not, are better for it and so are we as a community.

Mission Statement

The Civy Club Times is dedicated to you. We hope to provide valued opinions and breaking news, as well as a glimpse into what life on Civitan Club Drive is really like. ENJOY.