My Fantasy

I know that some of you heard me say this on Saturday, but I wanted to put it on the internet so that the whole world will know.

This is my ultimate fantasy. I have thought about this every night for a year now, and I hope that one day my fantasy will become a reality.

I am sitting on the couch one afternoon, all by myself watching Sportscenter when my door swings open. Sabina Gupta walks in to my apartment and smiles, not saying a word. I look up at her and I notice that there is something different about her… not her hair, not what she’s wearing… just something… different. I can’t quite figure it out until I look her in the eyes. Her eyes are both unusually pink and are surrounded with a yellowish crust. Oh my God, Sabina has pink eye!

Now I started to get excited because I know that Sabina will be giving me pink eye again, unless she is hear to tease me by giving me “blue eyes!” I’ve had Sabina give me pink eve before, and ever since my recovery, I’ve wished for some kind of Sabina induced relapse!

She grabs the remote and turns off the TV and then winks at me with her left eye. As she does this, the smallest bit of eye crust falls off and drops slowly to the ground. Sabina then licks two fingers on her right hand. She takes these fingers and begins running them gently and circularly around her right eye, making sure to transfer the conjunctivitis to her fingers. Then she does some kind of erotic finger dance that is hard to describe using words, moving her fingers back and forth seductively in front of my face, getting closer and closer. Oh my. I am so excited now… it’s really happening!

As she touches her infected hand to my right eye, I let out a slight moan of joy. She starts rubbing my eye, not too rough, but not too gentle.

“Yeah Sabina, that’s how I like it.”

“How do you like it Fred?”

“Make my eye crusty and nasty baby!”

She continues working my right eye until there is no way that I am not infected, and then when she is finished, she does the same thing to my left eye. After she is finished, I fall asleep, content and spent.

The next morning, Sabina gently nudges me to wake me up. As I try to open my eyes, I realize that I can’t because they are crusted shut! I have pink eye! My fantasy has come true, I can now die happy. But wait, Sabina wipes the crust off of my eyes, and holds one of them open. I look up at her, smiling as she squeezes an eye drop into my eye.

“Oh yeah, baby, no one can make my eyes burn like you,” I say.

I think to myself: its gonna be a great week!

Barberitos VS. Q-Doba

I must argue with some of the points that Ben Allen made in his plagerized version of Chris' creation.

1. The Queso sauce is delicious, however last time I went there with Ben, they did pour way way too much on his urrito, making it soupy. This has never happened to me.

2. Barberitos is certainly not generous. Last week, I went there and the dude scooped me an already small scoop of chicken, then gave me only about 2/3 of that small scoop. I thn watched him pour MY excess chicken back into the tub.

3. I think we can all agree that the employees at Barberitos on the Eastside are dicks. This point has been made by many, and I don't think that too many people will disagree. Almost everyone there seems like they hate being at work and that they are pissed off to see you. Maybe there is better service at the 5 points one, but not at the one closest to Civy, which is the one that most of us visit.

Oh Ben

And I do realize the difference. I recognize that you are only a few hours away from us and that you will be seen a lot more than a certain dwarf. I didn't mean to compare you to Homer in the softness department, there is no comparassion. Homer is more tender than Kobe Beef (and probably tastier too). But I did not defend Homer, I merely gave my opinions on your piece by typing my own Freditorial.... My own effort to keep things in perspective

True about the job thing... I don't think Homer I don't think that is a part of Homer's 5 year plan. While you are spending your time working and you have expressed your desire to someday move back, Homer spends the vast majority of his time getting high and eating, while saying that he will stay in Colorado forever.

Let me say for all to read: I am not now, nor have I ever been a Homer-sympathizer!

Oh, and I meant to end my last article with this:

HAIL BLAKE:
Alpha Dwarf of Athens now and forever

Response: TCBY is above Homer

First off let me apologize for being the one responsible for starting this awful trend. I should naver have attacked Cassimus, nor should I have suggested to Chris that his next article should be called "The Softie Club" and should expose Civy's true colors. However, what's done is done, and Pandora's box can not be closed. This morning, I checked the Civy Club Times to see if Cassimus had finished his BCS Redux article, and was treated to Ben Allen's first post. Well I found the post to be excellent and mostly true (mostly), I did feel the need to respond to certain points that Ben made.

It is incredibly soft of Homer to desert his fellow Georgians for so long. He has abandoned his friends, drinking partners, and apparently his ability to defend himself. I understand the need to go "home" and reconnect with the family and old friends, but Homer should have considered the fact that in a few short months he will be leaving Georgia permanetly to move back to Colorado. That said, I think Homer is being a "Softie McSofterson" by returning to Colorado for so long prior to his permanent departure. This means that after his long trip he will probably appear in Georgia for only a few weeks before leaving us forever.

QUOTE FROM BEN: "He claims that Colorado is sweet. Yet I must assert that the fact that no other member of the collective Civy resides in Colorado makes it inherently unsweet." Well Ben, you should know that I am a lifetime member of the Civy and I did reside in Colorado, and I would take offense to what you had written if I did not find Colorado to be unsweet myself. However, one thing that Ben did not consider when typing this is that if Civy is soft (it is), and all of the people that currently live there are soft (they are), then I do not see how fleeing a soft zone can be inherently unsweet.

Despite all of this, Homer, you are soft. To paraphrase Ben: What could you possibly be doing in Denver that you can't do here?

One final thing to cosider is the source of the last post. If I remember correctly, Ben Allen has moved to North Carolina, leaving us all behind. I must also point out that no member of Civy resides in North Carolina, and that at least Homer does drink and gamble in Colorado, while Ben has become nothing more than a "Jungle Gym."

Ben Allen calling Homer soft is like the Snuggles Bear calling the Charmin Ultra with Aloe Grandma's Quilt!

A call to action

As I gaze onto the screened in porch and beyond to the cement playground that we at Civy Club proudly park our cars, I cannot help but bring myself back to the aforementioned 'Golden Era.' When the screened in porch was used for a between-game smoke, leaving the hood of my car ,which resides beneath, littered with cigarette butts. When the driveway transformed into a keg durability testing center.
In a way each of us at Civy are like the taps that delivered the sweet nectar to 10 oz. plastic cups. We strived for was a good time for all, but as time went on, like our taps, some of us got lost and others were worn down. Sure, we tried to tape it back together, but it was never the same. Our once party driven souls had paid their toll.
But as the sun begins to set on another Civitan generation it becomes apparent that in a year from now we will not be living within five miles of dozens of friends, and our houses will not be equipped to handle the abuse that Civy Club has so graciously.
There must be another great party. Not for me. Not for my roomates or friends. Not even for all the hot freshman chicks that never got a chance to see what Civy was all about.
But for a house that has given so much, while asking for nothing in return.
I cannot do this alone, and I do not know what day it should occur. But I do know it will require the hard work and planning of those outside of Civy. Like a broken tap we Civitonians will continue to try to serve, but in order to give Civy the departure she deserves there needs to be a group effort.
Please be active and vigilent in this cause.