Monday, May 21, 2007

The Best Week Ever

Tap. Tap. Is this thing on?

For a while, the Civy Times has been dead, but I hope that my tale of the greatest week of all time will inspire someone else to post here and resurrect what was once a place full of witty writings.

My awesome week started Thursday night at work. The associate I have working under me is a total fuck up. He is absolutely insane and he walks around the store all night singing "c is for cookie." He is honestly the dumbest person I have ever met and he is also crazy (if I was a chick, I would be afraid to work with him. I would also bleed from my twat monthly, which would also suck). But like the good guy that he is, he decided to leave his wife and 2 year old daughter and move to Miami. Sucks for them, but at least I didn't have to work with him anymore. they replaced him with a girl who actually works hard and doesn't annoy the shit out of me. The week was getting off to a great start.

This wasn't the only thing to happen Thursday night though.

I have this douchebag customer who comes in every few nights. He is a limo driver and several years back, someone made the bad decision of letting him wash glasses in our back room. The guy is a total asshole and I cringe every time he comes in the store, but this week, things were different. He walks up to the counter and asks me: "Do you drink beer?"

I respond (in a Millhouse-esque voice): "Do I?"

Phred: Yeh I do
Limo Dude: I only drink liquor and I have like 15 beers in the limo that I'm about to throw out. Would you like them?
Phred: Um yeh, that would be great. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.
Limo Dude: Well, they are Bud Lights. Is that ok with you?
Phred: That's perfect!

There turned out to be 19 cold, crisp, refreshing Bud Lights!

19 Beers and a new associate? Can life get any better? Actually, these were somehow the two worst things to happen to me this week!

I went into work on Freday night expecting to quit because this jackass wouldn't promote me. Long story short, I demanded a promotion and told my boss that I deserved it. I got him to not only promote me, but transfer me out of his area so that I would have to deal with his shit anymore. So instead of driving 30 miles to work, the trip will be about 10 miles. And my hours will be much better. No more nights, and I'll be off every Saturday night!

Sunday, I was feeling good and went to the QT down the street to buy some juice. While I was there, I decided to buy one of those $20 scratch tickets. Well, I scratched that bitch off and won $1,000!!!

Plus, the stock market has been on fucking fire for me since Thursday.

And how fucking awesome was the Sopranos last night?

Best of all though: I watched Houseguest on Thursday. Which is what I think brought on this deluge of great luck.

This coming Saturday, we are having a party, and my dad sent me 18 bottles of liquor. This party will be off the chains, and Homer is flying in from Denver to attend. We are planning on cooking the little bastard and eating him. Yesterday, he told me that he expects the part to be so awesome that he won't care if we eat him at the end of the night because it will be worth it. I was always just kidding about killing and eating Homer, but since we now have his approval, I say that we fucking do it.

This week has been superb and will only get better. It has even been slightly better than the week that Sabina gave me pink eye.

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